The Next Adam Sandler Movie

 

Fart_Judge_poster

He’s a normal guy.

Sandler: Hey, pass me the ketchup! (pours too much ketchup on french fries while other characters stare at him. This goes on until he looks up and says…) What?

With a normal life.

Kate Beckinsale: I love you. (kisses Sandler on mouth)

Sandler: (with unintentionally dead eyes) I love you too.

And one unusual job.

Sandler (in judge’s robes): I’m a judge.

Kevin James (on golf course, holding phone): C’mon, play a few rounds with me.

Sandler: I can’t. I’ve gotta go to work.

Kevin James: Well, you’re a judge, can’t you just… speed things along?

Sandler (on bench in the courtroom): Okay… guilty, guilty, guilty…. and you, I’m gonna say… innocent.

Defendant who looks guilty: (eyes bug out)

Sandler: Hey, don’t make me regret this, okay?

Defendant who looks guilty: (looks over at his lawyer, who shrugs)

Sandler shouting “Woo hoo!” while in the passenger seat of a golf cart, holding up a 9-iron in triumph.

But now, the trial of a lifetime…

Sexy female lawyer: He robbed three banks. And the only evidence we have…

Sandler: Yeah?

Sexy female lawyer: Is the smell of his farts.

(Record Scratch)

Is going to change everything.

(Cue AC/DC)

(Adam Sandler walking down hallway in slow motion)

One man…

(Grabs bowl of baked beans and lifts a heaping spoonful to his mouth)

Has to Prove…

David Spade: Here’s your line-up, sir (gestures to police line up of fat, schlubby guys)

Sandler: Do we really have to do this?

Sexy Female Lawyer: I don’t see any other way.

That Justice may be blind…

David Spade: Turn around boys

Sandler: (presses face close to a guy’s big ol’ fat butt) I don’t get paid enough for this.

Fat guy: (Faaaaaaaaaart)

Sexy Female Lawyer: Well?

Sandler: Pungent. Bean-y. A hint of cole-slaw. (brow furrows) Barbeque chicken?

Fat guy: (eating potato salad) You forgot the potato salad. (Farts again)

Sandler: Ah, there it is.

Sexy Female Lawyer: (Nods approvingly)

But it still stinks.

Chris Rock: Your honor, my client couldn’t possibly be the farting bandit! He simply…

Defendant: (Fart)

Chris Rock: …Doesn’t display any of the…

Defendant: (Fart)

Chris Rock: …Characteristics described by eyewitness testimony.

Defendant: (loooooooong fart)

Sandler: (looks at Chris Rock and raises eyebrow)

Chris Rock: I give up. I give up! Find another lawyer. This case stinks. Literally! This whole courtroom stinks. I’m out of here. (exits courtroom)

Sexy Famale Lawyer: The defense rests!

This summer…

(Sandler taking slow motion bite of raw brocolli)

Get ready…

Beckinsale: Did you have a good day at work, honey?

Sandler: Let’s just say… it was kinda crappy.

For the smelliest film of your life

Sandler: Did you just fart?

Kevin James: No!

Sandler: (smells air) Sour cream… Pinto beans… A hint of lettuce. Did you have taco salad for lunch?

Kevin James: (bewildered) How did you…

Sandler: I’m getting good at this.

 

(cue big blue block letters on white background)

 

FART JUDGE

2016

 

Score: A bag of popcorn; equal parts pride and shame.

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About Invisichad

Drawing, Writing, Flailing
This entry was posted in Digital Art, Writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to The Next Adam Sandler Movie

  1. batraygirl says:

    I think my favorite part is that all the guys are schlubby, while all the women are explicitly beautiful/sexualized. Just like a real Happy Madison movie!

  2. Invisichad says:

    Thank you! I forgot to include racism, but I’m thinking that’s probably okay.

  3. Pingback: Sketchbook Time | artflail

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