So here’s a thing that happened. I got married (thank you, thank you) and it was wondrous and fantastical and if you are bothering to read this right now, odds are good you might’ve been there. Anyways, the next day something extremely unusual happened that requires my telling of it now. My wife and I were spending the night at her sister’s house, and after hanging out and watching movies and stuff we went off to bed in their guest room.
I awoke in the middle of the night, and looked over at my wife, only to see my brother-in-law sleeping in her place. This was deeply confusing on a lot of levels, and I really didn’t know what to do. There were too many questions. I settled on just sort of staring at him for a while. I looked closely at his chin stubble, the cherubic smile of sleep on his face, and felt the mass of his body in the bed with me. Just, there. Sleeping peacefully.
So, I got up to go to the bathroom, trying to fit the puzzle pieces together. The house was silent. Okay, I thought to myself, so first my wife had to get out of bed. I guess she got up in the middle of the night, woke up her sister, and then the two of them threw out her sister’s husband from their bedroom. For like, Sister Time? Pajama party? What do girls do again? And then he’d be walking down the hall and thinking to himself, “Well, that’s pretty weird to get thrown out of my own bedroom. Hmm. I guess maybe it would be funny if I climbed into bed with Chad and fell asleep there. Then he’d wake up and be all “Whaaat?”
Doesn’t that sound like something that would happen? Yeah, no. Not really. But everyone was asleep so I couldn’t ask anybody what was going on, so I got a glass of water and fell asleep on the couch all consternated.
When morning came, and with it the cleansing light of day, in the flowing river of the sun’s rays, the truth finally dawned on us all etc. So what really happened can be narrowed down to two things. Or two theories.
Theory 1: I was sleepwalking with my eyes open, like I’ve done a couple of times before in my life.
Theory 2: My wife has a Grimm’s Faerie Tales or Shrek-like curse in which she physically assumes the form of my brother-in-law at night.
Who knows when you cut off a gypsy in traffic or something, you know? And there might well be seasonal or lunar or celestial conditions that would be hard to pin down, but which could conceivably cause her to change form at unpredictable times.
Rest assured, a full barrage of tests is being prepared for her (scientifically, of course) that will determine whether or not she is a witch, Theory One nonwithstanding.
Also, I have finished my Spring semester for this year, and I have a great steaming pile of portraits to share with you all! Please enjoy these last wheezes of art school asthma, because I am going to be back to posting the dumb, thoughtless material that everyone loves and expects from me for the rest of the summer.
Overall Score: Honestly, a few of these look like they were drawn by someone better than me, so I guess I must have learned something this semester. I’m feeling good. Two dervishes and a spindle!